She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
