I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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