the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
