She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
