I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
