i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
