Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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