Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
