dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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