captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
