Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
