meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
