please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
