It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
