my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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