I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
