would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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