my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
