Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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