Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
worst night to have a conscience
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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