halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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