There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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