apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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