I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
