Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
