and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
