youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
