You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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