I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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