so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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