I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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