I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
