My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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