And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
