I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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