saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
