So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
