My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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