at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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