if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
