C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
