If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
