It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
