So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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