never play flip cup with pint glasses
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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