they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
