I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
