Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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