i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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