I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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