we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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