you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
