Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
