just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
