Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
