I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
