Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
