Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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