I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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