I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
