ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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