I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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