only you would photoshop your dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
