sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
