So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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