I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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