You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
