we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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