Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
