i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize