4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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