I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
