after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
