Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
