I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
