What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
