I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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