Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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