new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
