jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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