Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize