i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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