great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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